One of the major causes is holding things in. Those things that we hold inside will affect us, "warp" us if you will, and yet we often do not see it. If we hold unforgiveness, offenses (remembering what people have done to us), bitterness or similar negative and destructive emotions and thoughts, we eventually become unforgiving, bitter and negative in our emotional life. And then we start wondering, "What is wrong?" "Why am I not happy?"

Not only will we become emotional wrecks, but we will begin believing others have the same attitudes towards us. Little things will build in the mind until at some point something will happen to cause us to "flash" - to explode towards others. Quite often people who hold things become petty, picking at everything other people do. Yet if something is pointed out that they have done the defenses go up immediately. Somewhere along the way self-pity usually steps in.

I read the humorous story of a traveling salesman who had a flat tire on a lonely country road one night. When he started to change the tire he discovered he had no jack. Down the road he saw a farm house and thought, "This farmer is bound to have a jack. I'll go borrow it."
As he walked toward the farmhouse he noted the lights were out and he began to think,"I suppose he is in bed. Farmers go to bed early. I hope he does not get upset about me wanting to borrow his jack at this hour of the night."
He walked a bit further and thought, "I am in trouble and in need of help. He should not get upset at me needing his jack. It is not like I planned this."
The longer he walked the more his mind worked. "I am a decent sort of guy. I do not ask for what I do not need. I am sorry to wake this guy up, but it is not right for him to get mad at me for needing his help."
By the time he got to the farmhouse he had worked himself up into an emotional state of anger. He knocked on the door until the lights went on. When the farmer came to the door to see to see what was going on, the salesman yelled at him, "Keep your stupid jack! I will get along without it!"

If we do not learn to recognize the danger signals we will hold things inside until we have serious problems. While we most likely will blame those problems on those around us, the root cause is in our own failing. The failure to release. And we have become prisoners of ourselves. This is then made all the worse because we do not recognize that we are holding ourselves captive.

This whole situation is usually made worse because we soon begin feeling that other people feel about us the way we have been feeling! "She never likes anything I do." "I am not good enough to fit in.." "They never accept any of my ideas." "He thinks he is better than me." or the classic, "No one appreciates me/my contributions/what I do." Etc. etc. etc.

And what has happened is that we have begun to believe that others have the same attitudes that we have.

This is bondage. Bound. Wrapped up by our own emotions.

First we must accept the fact that we are guilty of the very things that we judge to be wrong in other people. Those things in others that make us angry and bitter are also in our lives, whether we see it or not. And, in time, not only do we end up doing those things, we will be certain (in our own minds) that people are judging us for those things.

Examples: Those who talk about others behind their backs are usually certain that people are talking about them behind their backs.

Those who pick at the way a person dresses are usually certain people are picking at the way they dress.

Those who do not forgive usually do not feel forgiven.

You must first ask God to forgive you for holding on to these things. You can say something like, "Father, forgive me for sinning against You and against _____________ by holding (bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, anger - you fill in the blank.) Jesus carried my sins on the Cross. I do not want them. Forgive me and release me. I forgive and release __________________ from all that I have held against them. In Jesus Name I pray."

Do not expect an emotional release, though you may experience one. If you do, do not take it that the problem is totally dealt with. This is a process. Yes, God has forgiven you and as far as He is concerned it is gone. Now you must begin to move into that freedom. At times the Lord does a miraculous work and the situation is totally dealt with. At other times there are still emotional and mental things that must be dealt with.

You often have to mentally and emotionally release those with whom you have a problem. This is not a One-Time Event, but rather a series of events. It may take quite a few days. However long it takes, stick with it. Keep the end in sight - freedom!

Mentally - When the thoughts come of what this person (or these people) have done, make a mental effort at letting them go. Say out loud, "I will not hold anything against _________. I will not receive an accusation against ________. I release _________ from this bondage. I forgive them. I let them go. In Jesus Name!" Then focus your thoughts on something else. You may have to do this every 5 minutes at first. Keep at it. Slowly you will win the battle and the thoughts will quit coming at you.

Emotionally - If the old "feelings" come back (the hurt, the anger or whatever the emotion was) speak to it. Say "I refuse the feelings of ____________ against __________ in the Name of Jesus! I will not have it!" Then begin to thank God for the person (or persons). Thank God for them by name. Thank Him for the situation. Thank Him for the negative and the positive. Thank Him that you are feeling the way you are feeling. Thank Him for the bad thoughts and the good thoughts. Give Him thanks - out loud - for EVERYTHING! Thank Him WHILE you are in the middle of the battle as well as FOR the battle. (read I Thess. 5:18 and Eph. 5:20 carefully) Again, you may have to do this every 5 minutes at first. KEEP UP THE FIGHT! You will win.